The Crossing

The big leap, the one you make once in a lifetime without ever looking back. This bridge that you cross between your primary innocence and the realization of the dirt our lives and world carry around everywhere we go. This bridge across which you walk as slowly as possible, slowly realizing what is at the end of it: going from our world of sweet pleasures to the one of harsh realities. This crossing when ideas blur and conceptions are turned upside down. When you do not what you should be thinking. When you are afraid to be called by everyone else a pessimist. When you are afraid of ever being able to enjoy the exaltations of mental freedom, of not feeling responsible, of not seeing, or, in fact, not even wanting or needing to look. It is at this crucial moment of your life that you start feeling the pressure of ourselves. It is at the end of that bridge that you see the other bank, colorful; colored by your mistakes, by our mistakes. It is during the crossing that you start living outside yourself. It is then, when you see your own life as if you were someone else and you cannot bear looking at yourself anymore, that you see how you do everything the wrong way. It the crossing that makes you discover the other side. It is then, when you sense that the other bank is dark but so much better already. It is halfway across the bridge that you decide, because, yes, you do decide, for this choice at least you are entirely alone, liberated from any pressure, entirely free to choose, to choose whether you keep on walking or whether you run back to the bank of recklessness, free of responsibility, free of pressure. It is this crucial moment that you know you will remember your entire life, the moment when you choose to turn your back on something.

Running away meaning you want to leave our problems out of your mind but you are now aware that you will always be, in a way, ignorant.

Walking forward, without ever looking back and deciding to become fully aware of our problems, becoming a lucid person and giving up any hope of enjoyment with an entirely free mind.

    Alone, lonely in the darkness of your thoughts’ turmoil, you try to determine what you want to see - now being fully aware - to choose and not regret,  what you want to live for the remaining time you hope you can get before cancer gets you and what you do not want to see. In both cases, you have to make a free choice, nothing; no one can tell you what to do but yourself and in both cases, you will be entirely responsible for what you choose.

    The bridge is long, and every time I take a step, I think deeply about the direction I place my foot.

Best Regards,

Chahin HOUMOUR